How strong is your faith? Do you ever doubt God? See this video…
(#149 from Suffer Well Devotional Series©)
Abba, how I long for my love for You to become natural. I yearn for my obedience in praise and worship to become like breath to me, to be as oxygen. I hunger for my love to be unceasing, to become that which I need to never consciously consider. While awake or asleep, it is there. Is it because we cannot see You that this love we seek requires so much effort? Is it because we desire our own path more than Yours? Is it that Your Son’s death is not tangible to us in our hearts and soul? Are you keeping Yourself from us purposely? Though Your Son’s shed blood gives life to all who believe, do we treat this reality casually?
This I know Father; this I must confess: I am saddened by the amount of time I need to dedicate to simply believe that every word You speak is true, and that it applies to my life! And, that Your word will really take me to the higher places. I desire to cross over to this level of faith Father. I desire obedience that leads to healthy fear, admiration, trust, and love. My prayer is that I would attain all of these attributes towards You Father, and that they would be as natural as breathing.
I have another confession Abba. After so much seeking and so much effort to find You, I wonder; have I looked right past You? Am I making too much effort and not resting enough? Do I know how to receive Your love Father? Am I unwilling, for reasons beyond a conscious level, to accept Your love? My confession is this; I don’t know the answer to these questions Father. I don’t know why I cannot fill up my existence with You.
I wonder, at times, if You are hiding from me. Not in a way that a thief would hide, but like a Father who can’t wait to jump out and scream, “Here I Am. I’m real. I’m really here for you.” I desire that Father. If I am in error, correct me so I can find You. You know me; You know why I cry out to You. If I am anxious, it is for You. If I lose sleep, it is because I think of You. Perhaps, if I may ask this of You; could we have our own special language, one in which I could hear and communicate with You. I know Your word says, “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27) Help me believe that this means I can communicate with You with no doubting, with all second-guessing gone forever? May it be something intimate, powerful, and secure? May it be like my breath? I would like that Father. I leave this request at Your feet. So be it.
He who does not love does not know the Mighty One, for the Mighty One is love. (1 John 4:8)